Actually I have found only one simple thing. There is only one thing which is important is TODAY. Today I’m gonna have a great day. I will do whatever I want. I will be free.

That’s what I am trying to do now - get satisfaction from everything and everyone.

And that’s probably the only way to find myself…

1. I want to find myself.

2. I want to find myself.

3. I want to find myself.

4. I want to find myself.

5. I want to find myself.

P.S. If I ever do that every wish will be possible…

Russian hockey team has just become a world champion!!!!! They won Canada 5:4 in Overtime!!!!

Come on and celebrate with me!!!!! Heheyyyy!!!!

Already for 6-7 months I am a witness of one strange and and unexplainable thing. I use subway to get to work. One station in the evening which I use everyday for 2,5 years. Usually I sit in the 2nd subway car. So I have noticed one thing. Not even one single pretty girl will not ever sit in this car. Not even one… You won’t believe it!!!

I go through 9 stations every day. People are coming on each station. There are dirty workers, tired managers, half-drunk students, old men, tramps but they are all male!!! All pretty girls on each station go to another door close by. I have tried to sit in another subway car but result was always the same. Now I got used to it. My funniest experiment now is to look on - will a GIRL even not pretty - will come in???

Still I am looking on…

I had a strange dream last night. I was in London, sitting in the airport. Seems it was Heathrow. I was sitting, drinking coffee from a plastic cap, watching around, waiting for my flight. Waiting room was crowded. People bustled about this space around me with their luggage, with their kids and sandwiches. Someone toppled his Coca-Cola over my rucksack. I wasn’t angry. I was close to happinese. Something was before this waiting in the airport. Something I didn’t know in my dream.

Suddenly I have seen 4 men. They looked like nervous. At least it seemed to me in my dream. I also realized that I know 1 of them. I really knew him in my dream. But couldn’t remember his name or circumstances we met.

They have set on the bench ahead of mine. They had one big bag from duty free. The shape of the bag gave up that it’s or a bottle or two in it. Big bottles. It should be whisky or something like that.

I looked at them….

I fixed my eyes on them….

One thought came to me in my dream that it would be interesting… And then it began….

They started to talk with each other.

- I will do it - one said

- No, I will do it…

So they wrangled with each other for some minutes. They they started to push each other. In silence. Snuffling and strugling. I made my gulp of coffee. It was already cold. I swallowed it and looked at them once again. It was already a small battle. They were using their hands and legs trying to convince each other. Finally one of them (the guy i probably knew) said:

- Shit! Why can’t we decide who will blow up this fucking plane!!!…

Some people nereby gave a start. 4 men had a look around with frightenedly.

I was shocked. They were terrorists!!!!! My god!!! I should stop them!!!!! I imagined how the plane is demolishing…. Shouting people all around… Scent of blood…. Scent of fear…. The cover is being broken by the explosion wave… And dozens of people drops down to the endless sky being frozen in first few seconds….

I screw up my face…

I looked at the guys again. They began struggling again. Finally they dropped down the bottles from duty free. The liquid went to me legs and shoes. It was white, of dense consistence. I think it was Baileys.

I’ve noticed that guys were tired. And at that moment they guy (I should have known him, you remember) fixed his eyes on me…. He knew me definitely… And I knew him, for sure…. He became ashamed…Not of what he did but of that I saw everything…. He dropped down his eyes, took broken bottles and went rapidly to the exit. His fellas followed him asking “what’s up, man”.

I followed them with my eyes and….I suddenly woke up…. It was 5.17 a.m…. More than 1 hour till alarm. I looked around. Saw my wife and daughter nearby and settled down….

New day was just beginning and I was ready for it…. I thought about my dream whole day till I haven’t been finally distracted by other various things around (e.g. my closest friend anounced that he will leave our company in 2 weeks).

And now I have remembered once again what happened in the night and decide to write about it…

Actually I always dreamt about family! Now I have it. And it helps a lot when I am down and depressed. I think of my family. Think how Pouline runs to me when I am coming home. When Daria starts to smile when I am talking to her. When Katia buys another glass of Guiness in the Irish Pub while I am smoking. It is really a miracle that I have them in my life. And my first intention now is to keep it so.

Well, actually I am a man who probably not satisfied with reality. Anyway if in Web you feel yourself free and calm you have problems in real life. At least it seems so.

My big problem now is to get rid of this stupid fucking job that you must do only because of money. How to solve it? I don’t really know… I only try to find my way and my destination in this life. For many years I thought that it was somewhere in arts or literature. But since all these years I have written nothing. Now i am captured by idea to make buildings. I mean design and architecture. To make pretty and strange buildings which can color someone’s lives. First of all mine while creating them. Actually I am no longer interested in whether I will leave my job one day. I can stand it, no problem. I am just going to do what I really want to do. No matter what benefits will come from this. Just to have fun! Just to be free!

All details of this intention will be humorously described here I assume.

So I ask anyone to be a witness of this…

So, shell we begin?… I don’t know why but I’ve decided to have blog on “totally not russian” site. I have being started many times blog in Russian but without any success. Mostly because of the influence which russian language has on me. It is difficult to write something stupid in language which was used by so many great and genious russian writers (e.g. Pushkin, Dostoevsky). So when you write stupid thing (this is mostly what I write) you feel like you are disgracing the years of russian literature. Am I too serious???

So I like english language and I will have my blog here in English. At the same time I will improve my english which is anyway good…